I’ve been pondering this question a lot. What exactly are the important elements that glue together a marriage?
It came as a result of a question from a reader of my novel, The Healing Touch, in which the protagonist is struggling with the possibility that her sexless marriage is failing. Her feelings are exacerbated when a new man arrives on the scene who gives her a lot of attention.
The reader – let’s call her Jane – sent a long email with her thoughts. She highlighted two elements in particular, which I’d like to share with you. I’d be very interested to find out what you think.
Jane felt that sex was a very important part of a marriage, perhaps the most important part. She explained that sex functioned as the barometer in the relationship. When things get rough, or stressful, or out of sync with each other, sex is often the first thing to disappear. But it is worth making the effort, because it brings you closer together with your partner, and its healing function within the relationship cannot be dismissed.
I agree with Jane on her points wholeheartedly. Sex is the first thing to go when a relationship is in trouble, for sure, but it is also the most healing, nourishing, good-feeling thing that can happen in the relationship. It’s very important to make sexy-time and to honour that appointment.
The other element Jane felt was of utmost importance in the success of a long-lasting relationship is respect. She said that she had been married to the same man for thirty years. Through that time, their relationship had changed, they had changed, but the one thing that remained was a deep and lasting respect for one another. Without respect, there is nothing. She said that whenever she has a problem with him she talks about it with him in a very open way, no matter what it is, even if it’s hurtful or scary.
I feel Jane is right about respect being a very important element to the success of any relationship. Without it, there can be no basis for a real no holds barred relationship, right?
I’d love to hear your ideas and feelings about this topic. You can either join in the discussion here or on social media where I will post this blog, or you can email me privately on firstname.lastname@example.org.